The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success
Learn to stop chasing success and relish your achievements.
When Thomas Jefferson published the American Declaration of Independence in 1776, he declared that every American had the right to "the pursuit of happiness."
This language implied that happiness is something external to ourselves, something we must pursue. And that is how most people perceive it to this day.
You may believe that happiness comes with a promotion, a higher salary, or when you have your ideal family. However, your goalposts are constantly shifting, and those accomplishments never indeed provide you with what you desire.
People's mindsets are all incorrect here. Happiness is not something that should be desired. It's something you can choose to have right now, regardless of your circumstances.
These summaries teach you how to do precisely that.
In this brief, you will learn.
How to wake up refreshed and ready to face the new day;
Why Positive Thinking Can Help You Live Longer;
How to turn a challenging situation into an opportunity for progress.
1. Take control of your own happiness.
Dan Jansen is a top speed skater in the world. He competed in the Winter Olympics in 1984 at the age of 16 and came close to winning a medal. Nearly, but not quite.
He suffered horrible luck for the next ten years. Despite his skill, he has yet to win an Olympic gold medal. In 1994, Jansen decided to give it one more shot in Lillehammer, Norway, but he struggled in what were usually his most vital events.
Soon, there was only one race left: the 1,000-meter sprint. Jansen knew his prospects of winning were minimal.
However, rather than being depressed about another impending defeat, he approached this event with a different perspective. As he took his place at the starting line, he reflected on everything he'd earned over his career: the coaches who freely taught him, the locations he'd been to, and the immense happiness he derived from skating.
The main message here is to take control of your own happiness.
Jansen decided to use his final race to express his gratitude to the world of speed skating. This was to be his farewell to a long and rewarding career.
So he raced with a big smile on his face. And it turned out to be the best run of his career. Jansen won the race, breaking the world record in the process. His positive thinking produced a positive effect.
Many top achievers need help to acquire this mode of thought. They feel that they must make themselves unpleasant in order to be motivated. Here's how they think: if you're too happy with your life, you'll have no motivation to succeed. But this is not true at all.
In reality, multiple studies have proven that being in a reasonable frame of mind improves performance. You gain confidence, become more creative, and improve your ability to adjust to new conditions.
When you're anxious and negative, on the other hand, you enter survival mode. This eliminates any innovative, lateral thinking. You also cease having joy at work, and your internal motivation decreases.
Jansen was so successful because he stopped believing that winning made him happy or pleased. Of course, he wanted to win. However, his delight became intrinsic.
If you seek happiness outside of yourself, you surrender all of your authority. Life becomes a treadmill of perpetual effort to acquire the things you imagine you require. However, you do not need anything or anyone else to be happy. You may choose happiness right now by learning to appreciate your life as it is.
2. Don't compare yourself to others.
Have you ever glanced through Instagram and been immensely jealous of a friend's trip to Thailand or a cousin's lavish wedding?
Then you're doing precisely what the makers of sites like Facebook and Instagram want you to. Social media is designed to encourage you to continually compare yourself to others. Its objective is to instil a sensation of FOMO - fear of missing out on everything you believe others do.
In reality, these platforms are designed to make you feel like your life isn't up to par. It's their job to make you feel like your life falls short of the ideal.
Why do social media websites do this? Because if you feel like you're missing out, you're more likely to start buying things to fill that gap. In other words, social media networks exploit your mental health to make you a more valuable customer.
The essential point here is to stop comparing yourself to others.
The truth is that comparing oneself to others is meaningless. It makes you want external indicators of prosperity, such as a large home or a showy car. However, no purchase, no matter how expensive, will truly nourish you.
The only thing that can make you happy and fulfilled is to achieve your own personal level of success.
But what is the standard? If you have an immediate response, you are joined. Here's an informed guess: When you were in school, your parents or teachers most likely never asked what you valued. Nobody wanted to know how you individually measured success.
The concentration was elsewhere, possibly on standardized examinations or winning that soccer game.
Adults have a unique potential to become self-determined. You get to select for yourself what is truly important.
Take some time to dwell on this, and then make a list of ten characteristics that are present when you are successful. Remember that your list will be different from everyone else's. And that's the entire point.
Do you define success as spending enough time with your family? Is it about the ability to go whenever you want? Make your list as specific as possible.
When a new job or other opportunity comes your way, ask yourself: Does this match the criteria on my list? If the response is no, the opportunity is not for you, no matter how prestigious it is.
3. How you perceive your life influences how you live.
Here's something you may need to learn. Your thinking can influence your physical health and even your longevity.
One research demonstrated this by examining an uncommon population: nuns. Scientists examined entrance letters written by 180 would-be sisters to their future monasteries while they were still young ladies.
And guess what? There was a direct correlation between the tone of these letters and the nuns' lives. Nuns who portrayed themselves positively lived, on average, ten years longer than those who wrote terrible letters.
Ninety per cent of the positive group lived to be at least 85, compared to barely one-third of the nuns in the other group.
The way people described their experiences in their twenties had a significant impact on the remainder of their lives.
The main point here is that how you perceive your life influences how you live.
The relationship between mind and body is well documented. Unhappy people are more susceptible to infections and take more time off work. Those with a good outlook, on the other hand, can improve their health without making any behavioural adjustments.
For example, one study involved 84 women who worked as hotel housekeepers. Half of the group was told that their cleaning chores were a good exercise that would benefit their health. The other half, the control group, received no information at all.
After four weeks, the group that got the optimistic message dropped weight and had lower blood pressure. The others noticed no improvement.
When you have a pessimistic outlook on your life, you are living in the GAP. You become self-critical; you believe your life is not good enough. This has an effect on the body. It causes prolonged stress, anger, and anxiety.
Over many years, the impacts of GAP thinking will overwhelm and deplete your system.
However, there is an alternative to living in the GAP, which is living in the GAIN. This entails giving yourself credit for your accomplishments and viewing each experience as meaningful. If you approach your life from this positive perspective, you will be happier and healthier.
But how do you start living in the GAIN? Well, it takes practice.
To begin, ask trusted people in your life to serve as accountability partners. Their function is to alert you when you've fallen back into GAP thinking.
Another thing you should do is develop the GAIN mindset. You can do this by noting your accomplishments thus far or by reflecting on what you've learned from a dire circumstance.
A GAIN perspective will eventually become as routine as the GAP was.
4. Remember to track your progress and celebrate your achievements.
Rosie is a child with a severe brain disease known as lissencephaly. Doctors informed her parents that she would never learn new abilities.
However, owing to hours of practice with her dedicated physical therapist, Rosie has proven them wrong. In about a year, she learned to walk on grass and other uneven surfaces. In fact, she's gained so much confidence that everyone has forgotten it was ever a problem.
This is why her therapist takes meticulous notes and organizes regular progress calls with Rosie's parents. Consciously applauding her progress motivates everyone to keep going.
The main message here is to remember to track your progress and celebrate your victories.
It's easy to overlook your extraordinary accomplishments since they quickly become typical. In truth, our brains are hardwired to forget. Once you've learned a new ability, your brain permits you to use it subconsciously or on autopilot. Too often, you're unaware that you're trying anything new.
That is why it is critical to keep detailed records of your progress. Journaling allows you to keep track of the obstacles you face and how you overcome them. Reading through your journal will enable you to recognize your progress.
Many people make the mistake of comparing their progress to an idealized future. But this is a recipe for disappointment. The future has yet to happen. Thus, it's not real. But the past is. Measuring your specific results against the past allows you to see how far you've progressed.
Take time to consider where you were in your life 10 years ago. How did you spend your time? What did you believe was important? What transpired throughout those years?
Create a precise, specific list of all you've accomplished in that period. Make sure you incorporate more than just material wealth or social status; also consider how your attitude has evolved. Were there any challenging or unpleasant experiences that taught you valuable lessons? What were the lessons?
Now, repeat the practice, assessing your progress during the last three years, as well as the recent 90 days. Doing this practice mindfully will boost your confidence and motivation.
It will also offer you a better idea of where you want to travel.
5. Use the final hour of the day to celebrate your accomplishments and plan for future goals.
You may not realize it, but the hour before going to bed is one of the most important of your entire day. How you spend that time affects your sleep and productivity over the next 24 hours. But most people squander those 60 minutes by mindlessly scrolling through their devices.
It's well proven that cell phones overstimulate the brain at night, making it difficult to fall asleep. So, if you use your phone before bed, you're likely to wake up drowsy and anxious.
However, it is not all terrible news. With a few simple tweaks, you can transform your pre-bedtime routine into a tremendous opportunity to improve your sleep and better manage your day.
The main takeaway here is to use the last hour of the day to celebrate your accomplishments and plan for future goals.
It all starts with putting away your smartphone at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Instead, take out a pen and a page of paper and reflect on the day that has passed.
Think of three wins from the day and write them down. Remember, these are your subjective wins, not anyone else's. If doing laundry is usually a hassle for you, washing a load of clothes is a huge win.
When you've written down your accomplishments, choose three wins you wish to attain tomorrow.
This simple habit will transform your days and nights. Capturing your daily successes puts you in a GAIN mindset, which enhances your confidence and sense of well-being. This allows for a more pleasant slumber.
Clearly defining your goals for the next day permits your brain to begin unconsciously processing them, so you wake up with a sense of purpose. Instead of reacting to everything that comes your way, you'll have a clear, concrete strategy.
This technique also teaches your mind to look for GAIN opportunities throughout the day. Everyone has selective attention, which allows them to filter out the majority of the world's inputs and focus just on what is important, interesting, or relevant.
Why not take advantage of this trait? If you learn to focus on the three wins, your brain will naturally begin to hunt for more and more accomplishments. That will raise your confidence and give you the drive to keep chasing your dreams. Keep at it, and getting out of bed will no longer be difficult. Instead, you'll be excited to begin your day, ready for significant wins.
6. You may transform any seemingly lousy experience into a GAIN simply reframing what happened to you.
On September 29, 2008, Howard Getson's life was forever transformed. He lost $2 million overnight in the stock market. Getson was shaken. It appeared like his trading had fully gotten out of control.
But he thought about it some more. He had suffered a horrible loss that day. However, not everyone had. On the contrary, some traders had made enormous profits overnight.
Why had their strategies worked, but he still needed to? What could they teach him?
Getson kept thinking about it overnight, and by morning, he'd entirely changed his mind. Rather than being sad about his loss, he saw this as an opportunity for growth.
Getson's engineers began working on new, creative software that employed AI to react to shifting market conditions. The loss of $2 million may have tormented Getson for the rest of his life. But he didn't let that happen.
The main takeaway here is that you can transform any seemingly bad situation into a GAIN simply by reframing what happened to you.
Getson demonstrated psychological adaptability. It is the ability to regulate your emotions and actively influence the meaning of your experiences.
Psychological flexibility is what enables you to recover after a setback. Instead of being stuck when things don't go as planned, you accept the situation and find inventive, new ways to achieve your goal.
Not everyone is born with psychological flexibility, but everyone has the potential to develop it. This path begins with taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, good and bad. You cannot control the entire world around you. You may, however, choose how to respond to it.
Dan Sullivan, one of the coauthors, developed a powerful exercise for his coaching practice called The Experience Transformers. It is a thinking experiment in which you can redefine your experiences.
Here's how it works: Take a pen and paper and answer the following questions: What did you learn from this experience that you can use in the future? What would you like to do differently next time? And what are you thankful for?
The exercise allows you to process the experience rather than run away from it. It also allows you to develop your own narrative about what happened to you. You'll be able to confront the world and decide what you want to take from it.
When viewed in this manner, any event can be a GAIN.
Final Summary
Nobody needs to chase happiness. You can decide to be joyful right now. Instead of comparing yourself to others, develop your own intrinsic success standards. You cannot compare current progress to a future ideal since the future is always imaginary. Instead, compare your progress to your past. Also, praise your vast accomplishments. This is GAIN thinking, which will provide you with energy and motivation. It may not come naturally, but you can practice it with simple exercises.
Actionable advice: Give yourself five minutes to spend in the GAP.
It's natural to feel unhappy or dissatisfied when things don't go your way. Do not expect to become constantly joyful just because you discovered the power of positive thinking. Instead, give yourself five minutes to be extremely sad, sulk, and beat yourself up after a disappointment. In other words, use the five minutes to fully enjoy the GAP. But then, look at how you've profited from the experience and how far you've come - and intentionally change into GAIN thinking.