How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down
Find the path from languishing to flourishing.
Have you ever felt constant emptiness, as if you're just going through the motions of life with no true purpose or motivation? This state of mind, languishing, is a common but generally overlooked feeling that can substantially impact your well-being.
Languishing is defined by a loss of interest in formerly enjoyable activities and an overall sense of alienation. This may seem similar to depression, but it is a separate and distinct state.
In this summary, you will learn about the features, causes, and effects of languishing. These include societal pressures, system failures, and psychological reasons that contribute to this widespread illness. You'll also discover some practical tact CS and a five-step methodology for promoting flourishing, characterized by optimal functioning and fulfillment instead of languishing.
1. What lingering looks like.
A sense of emptiness, loneliness, or being lost. Feeling unsatisfied with your life despite the apparent achievement. These emotions are collectively known as languishing. And, as seventh-grader Paul discovered, anguishing can lead to terrible acts to fill the gap.
Paul appeared to be a classic underachiever with low motivation and boredom. However, his misbehaviors, such as acting out in class and vandalism, hid a more significant concern. Languishing had infiltrated Paul's brain throughout the turbulence of entering adolescence during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Without supportive friends to keep him going, Paul began spending days alone in his room, avoidant and remote. Then, one day, Paul purchased a replica gun from Realisti and posted about taking it to school on social media. He never brought the gun to school, but he was healed immediately.
Many young people nowadays, like Paul, are languishing. Often, it results from alienation and a fixation with social media status, which leads young people to believe that they have nothing to offer society. 50 to 60 percent of people suffer from languid things at some point.
Languishing develops differently across age groups, but it can eventually impact everyone, regardless of age. Children who languish frequently act out, engaging in misbehavior and self-harm. Many struggling college students drop out of school or turn to drugs. Middle-aged adults in decline may often miss work and be less productive. Furthermore, elderly people tend to become isolated as physical illnesses limit their capacity to participate in hobbies and socialize.
Languishing, at any age, is dangerous. The gap between depression and flourishing is an overlooked "middle child" of mental health that requires greater attention.
2. The science of lingering
Have you ever found it unbearable to be alone with your thoughts? In 2014, a startling study discovered that many people would give themselves electric shocks rather than spend 15 minutes alone in a room without distractions. This experiment highlights our fear of stagnation, isolation, and lack of purpose.
Loneliness, a lack of trusted relationships, and communal bonds significantly contribute to today's epidemic. According to a 2021 study, 61 percent of young individuals aged 18 to 25 reported feeling profoundly lonely in the previous month. People's lives nowadays are increasingly detached, with more people living alone and having fewer community links than ever before.
However, loneliness alone cannot entirely explain the incidence of lingering. Discrimination based on ethnicity, gender orientation, and other characteristics is another contributing factor. This significantly reduces people's self-esteem, sense of autonomy, trust in society, and belief in their ability to improve. Black Americans report low levels of social acceptance, which is understandable given structural inequities. People who are subjected to racism, homophobia, and other biases find it difficult to believe they have a place in society, and this feeling leads to isolation.
The effects of lingering are catastrophic to the body. Loneliness and discrimination trigger the conserved transcriptional response to adversity (CTRA). It is activated when your mind perceives a threat, creating persistent inflammation in your body. Inflammation aids in the recovery from injury and illness, but it is incredibly damaging when it is triggered by emotional, social, or financial pressures regularly. A routinely engaged CTRA raises your chances of acquiring cancer, heart disease, and mental health problems.
What is the solution to all of this? Next, we'll talk about flourishing.
3. Fighting languishes
Henry David Thoreau compared pleasure to a butterfly, stating that pursuing it directly will result in its element. However, if you focus on other things, i I will do its way to you. This metaphor illustrates an important truth: true well-being derives from the more profound state of thriving rather than the pursuit of ephemeral enjoyment.
Flourishing, as opposed to languishing, refers to a sense of purpose and importance in one's life. Languishing exposes you to many hazards, whereas flourishing allows you to develop immunity to those same problems. It guards against sadness and anxiety, decreased productivity, untimely death, and delinquent behavior. Unlike pursuing happiness, flourishing provides a solid psychological basis that allows you to retain happy thoughts and productive functioning even in adverse situations.
Interestingly, increasing flourishing does not imply lessening symptoms of mental illness. Modern research demonstrates that we experience mental health in two separate ways. One continuum records our level of mental illness, while the other measures our amount of flourishing or languishing. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that lowering mental disease symptoms does not always result in improved mental health and well-being. Someone can have minimal mental illness but low flourishing, and vice versa. The two dimensions are shockingly different.
This suggests that proper health is achieved by cultivating positive forces rather than eliminating negative ones. To actively promote the flourishing side of this dichotomy, research suggests five crucial "vitamin" activities: learning something new, interacting with people, engaging in spiritual practices, living your mission, and scheduling time for play. In the following part, we will look at each vitamin in turn.
4. Learning for flourishing.
The COVID-19 outbreak flipped Ethan's world upside down. After months of isolation in his Brooklyn apartment, he became dissatisfied with his employment and the city's social scene. So he returned to live with his folks in rural upstate New York.
Little did he know that this painful shift would eventually lead him to an unexpected new passion: gardening. Shortly after arriving at his parents' house, Ethan's mother began preparing the garden for summer. Ethan soon realized that his mother's decision was rubbing off on him. He is now the family's unofficial ground keeper, growing over 35 different daylily kinds in the yard and experimenting with new hybrids.
Discovering a new hobby or ability merely by coincidence and for personal enjoyment can remedy stagnation. Personal tales influence one's self-identity. When you learn something new, change your self-narratives in significant and empowering ways. It enhances your sense of purpose and personal development, leading to more flourishing.
However, people frequently reject self-improvement journeys due to a psychological drive to maintain self-consistency - their preconceived views about their identity. This protective tendency might, however, stifle the same growth they desire.
To achieve true self-change, finding "manageable difficulty" is essential - difficulties beyond one's current skills can be overcome with dedication and effort. Too much difficulty can completely overwhelm and destabilize you, yet too little gives no catalyst for healthy development. When you reach the "goldilocks zone" of manageable challenges, you will emerge with renewed strength and grit.
5. cultivating relationships.
Carl and his husband Aaron moved to a tiny village with their newborn boy during the peak of the COVID-19 outbreak. They were first thrilled with the prospect of a fresh start. However, they quickly found themselves feeling lonely and isolated. Due to social distancing measures, people would cross the street when they noticed the couple approaching. They also felt estranged from close friends and social circles in their prior city residence.
Carl and Aaron's experience emphasized an important point: we all strongly desire warm, trusting relationships and a sense of belonging to a group. These essential social relations ips are necessary to feel safe and secure.
Humans naturally desire connection, which stems from their tribal roots as hunters and gatherers. During this time, humans lived as members of small tribal units, each with a distinct role and valuable contribution to the group's survival. Individuals who lack a sense of purpose in their community may resort to joining gangs to fulfill this desire.
Starting interactions with people from different backgrounds can help you create connections. Cross-cultural interactions can significantly enrich your life and ideas. So, open your eyes and thoughts to those who appear different from you on the exterior. Initially, conversations with these individuals may feel awkward, but it's natural to feel off balance.
Mutual emotional support is essential for building strong friendships. Concentrate on the quality of your relationships rather than their quantity. The more both people believe their support is distributed evenly, the better they feel about the partnership.
6. Connecting with Something Greater
Unexposed circumstances, such as a broken romance, a wrecked career plan, or a global pandemic, can suddenly upend our lives. During these moments of upheaval, some people find themselves stranded in limbo. Practicing spirituality is the key to coping with unexpected twists and turns.
Spirituality is not limited to religion but rather a deep appreciation for life's complexities. Spirituality is also not about a particular belief system; it is about connecting with something higher than yourself, whatever that means to you. Finally, this will help you ace the significance of the grand scheme. Consider what "greater than yourself" means to you, whether it's a deity, your community's collective power, or a mentor's enduring wisdom.
While spirituality promotes excellent attributes, it is merely the beginning. It's equally crucial to act ethically. My growth necessitates self-improvement, which aligns with religious teachings that good behavior leads to better character.
For that reason, locating your "base camp" is critical. You may always return to This mental state of calm, quiet, and anrednessss to heal and rebuild strength. Keyes considers yoga his base camp. This is where his mind quiets and his boy relaxes, yet he remains alert and aware. Where is your "base camp" or place of relaxed awareness?
From this peaceful mental base, responding to challenging situations with acceptance rather than reactivity is easier. When your inner critic is silenced, you can pause before reacting defensively. Instead of lashing out, take a moment to reflect on your own reaction and evaluate what is happening inside you without assigning blame or judgment.
7. Finding a purpose
Finding one's genuine purpose in life can be the most challenging endeavor. It's easy to pursue success and achievements while still feeling tremendous emptiness. The purpose is more than "success"; you can achieve this by combining your passions, helping others, and making a significant impact.
Society frequently encourages us to find purpose in our jobs. Surprisingly, just about 15% of adults see the professions as opportunities to contribute to society. Everyone else must go elsewhere for purpose and meaning.
Volunteering and persistent community service are one way to find purpose. According to a psychological study, people who volunteer locally and stay involved in issues they care about have higher psychological well-being and flourishing. Looking outward to help others raises awareness that their lives are more than personal triumphs and enjoyment. So why not commit to doing three nice de ds per week? This alone can help you reconnect with the challenges of others and rediscover your ability to be a positive factor. This can establish the groundwork for a roader feeling of purpose over time.
Of course, discovering one's purpose is highly personal and might change over time. Traveling and expanding one's horizons can give a young adult a sense of purpose. A parent may feel meaning in their sacrifices to provide opportunities to their children. At an older age, reconnecting with cause and passing on wisdom can reignite purpose.
During significant life transitions such as mid-career adjustments, empty nests, or retirement, your purpose may temporarily dim as your job changes. However, these inflection points eventually challenge you to recommit to purpose by looking beyond extrinsic indicators of accomplishment.
8. The Power of Play
It began as yet another weekly "Sunday Funday" meeting for a group of neighborhood mothers. However, on this particular night, the youngest children suddenly transformed the living room into an impromptu dance party. They turned up the music, and soon, their mothers' arms were thrust skyward, leaving the entire multigenerational party sweaty, flushed, and laughing out loud.
These moms were enjoying pure play, fully immersed in the moment. While play is considered normal for children, we tend to forsake it as we grow into "mature" adults. However, the play has significant benefits for adults in combating boredom. It relieves tension, reconnects us with our imaginations, and allows us to enthusiastically approach life.
The contemporary era has taken us away from active, imaginative play. With the advancement of entertainment technology, such as television and movies, leisure has evolved into something we passively consume rather than produce ourselves. It has also increased isolation, as we spend our leisure time alone in our homes rather than with other people in our communities. Active play, however, is essential for fulfilling feelings.
Adopting a "play mindset" for regular work is a simple method. Plate your food like you're a Top Chef contender. Drum to your favorite tune with some woo en spoons. Turn vacuuming into a game where you have your dog around the house.
Setting aside specific time for play, particularly active leisure, is essential in addition to adopting a general play mindset. Leisure appears different to everyone. Your leisure activities include ying trotyinglies, playing pickleball, or quilting. Whatever it is, look for occasions to laugh uncontrollably and feel alive via moments of sheer, unbridled joy.
Final Summary
Languishing is a pervasive state of emptiness, lack of motivation, and alienation from life that differs from depression. It is caused by loneliness, discrimination, and passive lifestyles that lack worthwhile activity. Developing behaviors such as learning, social connection, spirituality, purpose, and play can lead to thriving, which promotes meaning, growth, and resilience.